Sorry for Homewrecking?

Cleveland Sunrises Lead to Self Reflection?

I have a reputation among my friends. If I am out socializing and there is a guy (typically All-American, quick witted and self deprecating) I happen to be intrigued by - he will, without question, have a girlfriend. I will find out eventually (when I find out is typically based on the character of the guy) and curse the sky as I exclaim, "all the good ones are taken!".

I have spent a lot of time attempting to uncover the root cause of why I am attracted to attached men and why (more often than is normal) attached guys are drawn to me. Theories I kicked around in my analytical brain:

- I have a low self esteem/assessment of my self worth and I put out a vibe into the world that being second fiddle is all that I deserve.

- I'm a competitive Type-A personality who loves a challenge.

- I love being on my own and so, sub-consciously, I'm only allowing myself to be pulled to guys who won't result in someone upsetting the order in my life.

- Did I mention I'm competitive?

The Men of My Life (BJ Looks THRILLED... Scott Looks HUNGRY)

The more I thought about these options, the more none of them seemed to make sense. Yes, I am competitive; however, I'm a huge proponent of the "true love" thing and enjoy when couples find each other. Plus, when I find out guys who flirt back have girlfriends I get pissed and feel like I broke the "girl code". 

The whole self worth issue? I just don't see it. Sure, I am a nurturer by nature, which sometimes can result in getting taken advantage of. But that doesn't mean I think I deserve being used. The first three men in my life were/are fantastic. My Dad and brothers most likely instilled in me a sense that I am more awesome than I actually am. They think I'm fun and smart and they are the bestest, so based upon the theories of thermal dynamics, physics and GAAP based accounting, I am all of those things! (I took some liberties in assuming my brothers currently think I'm fun and smart. For the sake of this blog post, it is probably best not to check with them regarding their true thoughts).

Awesome Guys @ Polka Dance With Matching
Fedoras.  See?  Not Trying to Impress is
AWESOME!

So then what could it be? What is causing me to be attracted to unavailable dudes? I had an epiphany the other day- I'm not drawn to guys because they have girlfriends... I'm drawn to how guys carry themselves when they have girlfriends. At my age, I have found the dating game to be obnoxious. Men at bars try to find a balance of Mr. Moneybags, Joe Cool, Too Cool For School, and Sir Pompous. I like guys who aren't afraid to take sass as much as they dish out. I would rather have fun dancing like an idiot and laughing too loud than appearing "cool". And I don't care if you think you dress well... Everyone has their own style so can I just be the judge of that myself instead of you telling me?

Guys with girlfriends typically aren't out to impress- they are out to have fun. No large production is run to get attention or promulgate a false image. Therefore, you see the real person, they are relaxed, and a girl's "douche radar" stays quiet all evening. 

I'm better about spotting attached dudes since I know my track record. However, to fix the problem, can all the single guys just turn off the smooth talking sleaze switch to hang out and have fun? I guarantee you my friends and I will be drawn to you and will fall off our chairs when we learn you're single.

Did you ever notice any patterns in your dating life?