Searching

Attempt at finding balance or just recreating a scene
from Dirty Dancing?

Long time, no talk.

When I get busy or stressed (or busy and stressed), my choice method of survival is to cut out all nonessential activities. Thus, the past couple weeks have been focused on work and work trips. Bye bye blogging. However, I was called out. Recently, a friend of mine, out of the blue, mentioned that I hadn't written a new post in over a month. Busted. The more amazing thing is this person, with whom I have a "pen pal-esque" friendship, went on to persuade me to start writing again because it helps "sort things out". How could someone that I have not seen physically in five years know something was  amiss? I must be wearing my life disarray on my sleeve (and in my texts).

The past few months, I have felt like I am searching for something- yet I have absolutely no idea what. My Internet searches provide just a glimpse of my intense hunt for something, anything, to make this sense of unbalance, upheaval and "on the brink of _?___" subside.

Reunions are good for the soul - see below

Acupuncture, crossfit, gluten free, vegan before six, meditation, bikram yoga, spas in Cleveland, bikes, bed and breakfasts, Barre Method, Physique 57, 10K running plans, Ayurveda coaches, hypnotherapy, aromatherapy, voice lessons, community theater musicals, Cleveland museums, jobs in fashion, Cleveland real estate.

See? All over the place. Do I need a diet change, a job change, a new residence, a new workout routine, a wellness plan, a day away, a new hobby, a creative outlet... WHAT DO I WANT?

The answer is there is no answer. I have no idea what I want. However, I am not fretting like I would have at a younger age. At 27, I have started to identify a pattern. Every five years or so, I flip out. It is emotionally, physically, and spiritually apparent. My typically confident, radiant and put together self becomes soft, emotional, indecisive and whiny. I even look different. I know it sounds weird, but just take my word for it. Last time it happened, I was 22 and studying abroad at Oxford. I started worrying about my worrying (never good) because it made no sense to me.  I was in an amazing place, partaking in a once-in-a-lifetime experience, and yet I was out of sorts. This time, having identified the pattern, I'm just letting it ride and allowing my Internet searches to go wild.

Since this blog is supposed to be me, the renaissance woman, imparting her knowledge (knowing a little about a whole lot), I will share a list of things I have found to help in times like this:

Don't wait five years to play again like we did.

- Old friends: reconnect with people who remind you of who you normally are. They will start to bring her back out. Lucky for me, I recently had a reunion of college friends in Chicago for Cards/Cubs weekend. It was perfect timing and was perfect for my soul. I'm still smiling.

- Do what you did when you were seven: I used to lock myself in my bedroom for hours when I was little and sing and dance around and put on concerts for my pets. So recently, Stella has been getting set lists heavily weighted in divas (Mariah, Celine, Vanessa Williams, Brit Brit, KP). It makes me happy to sing at the top of my lungs.

- Get out of your own head: My brother and Toresil just bought a house. While in Chicago, I helped them pack and move for a day (for everyone who knows the family joke of me somehow always moving Scott, commence laughter now). They thought I was being such a help to them; however, what they don't know is how nice it was to be super busy and focused on other people. All I could think about was the best way to fit boxes in my car, how to wrap wedding champagne flutes so they wouldn't shatter, and the number of boxes could I carry down three flights of stairs without dying.  I also felt so loved being included in such a landmark event of their new lives together. I get to say I was there the day the first box was carried into that house, which I'm sure Toresil has already made into a home. 

Freaking adorable.

I have a few new favorite things I need to share as well as a few things on my radar that I really freaking want, so stay tuned

Do you ever feel off center for no apparent reason at all?